WHAT IS GRIEF
What is Grief and Loss
Grief is the natural emotional response to the loss of someone close, such as a family member or friend.
Grief can also occur after a serious illness, divorce or other significant loss.
Grief often involves intense sadness and feelings of shock and numbness. You may even have feelings of denial and anger.
For most people, the intensity of grief eases over time and the episodes of expressed grief (like crying) become less frequent.
Grief is a process or journey that affects everyone differently. It can be exhausting and emotionally draining. This can make it hard to do simple things, or even leave the house. Some people cope by becoming more active.
Grief has no set pattern. It’s expressed differently across different cultures. Some people like to be expressive and public with their emotions, while others like to keep their feelings private.
After losing a loved one, you may always carry sadness and miss the person who has died. But most people are able to find meaning and experience pleasure again. Some people even find new wisdom and strength after loss.
What are the effects of grief?
You may have intense feelings of grief. This can feel overwhelming, making it seem hard or even impossible to think about anything else. For some people, these feelings or thoughts may be so difficult to deal with that they push them down or mask them, either all or some of the time.
The effects of grief can often resemble depression. Some people do develop depression following a significant loss. If you are dealing with a major loss and finding it difficult to cope, see your doctor.
Immediately after a death, those left behind often feel shocked, numb and in denial, particularly if the death was unexpected.
When they begin to understand the reality of death, they can feel intensely sad, empty or lonely, and sometimes angry or guilty.
The feelings can be painful, constant or overwhelming. Grief can come in waves, seeming to fade in intensity for a while before returning.
You might feel or act differently to usual when you are grieving. You might withdraw and not enjoy your usual activities.
Some people drink alcohol, smoke or use drugs. Some people may also have thoughts of hurting themselves or that they can’t go on.
If you need to talk to someone about your mental health, call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.
How can I support a grieving loved one?
Initiate contact
Get in touch and be available to spend time together. Respect that your friend may need to cry, hug, talk, be silent or be alone.
Listen
It can be difficult to know what to say, particularly if you have not experienced grief before. There may be no words that can really help, but listening can be a great support.
Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who has died — the person you are supporting may want to hear their name.
Try to avoid giving advice or using clichés. It’s more meaningful to say something like “I’m so sorry it’s such a difficult time” than give advice.
Do something together
Spend some time doing ordinary and positive things together, like watching a movie, going for a walk or having a meal.
Practical help
Cooking meals or looking after children can be a great gift to people dealing with grief.
Be aware
Grief may last for a long time. Birthdays and anniversaries may be difficult for a bereaved person, so calling them on that day can let them know you haven’t forgotten.
Resources and support
For more information and support:
Lifeline offers 24-hour crisis support. If you need to talk to someone about how you’re feeling, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Headspace has information on grief and loss for young people.
Griefline — offers free, confidential support — call 1300 845 745, 8am to 8pm (AEST), 7 days a week.
MensLine Australia offers phone and online counselling for Australian men — call 1300 78 99 78.
Suicide Call Back Service — is a free phone and online counselling service for people affected by suicide — call 1300 659 467.
Kids Helpline — is a counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25 years — call 1800 55 1800 or webchat.
Grief Australia has resources and support for grieving Australians.
If you want to know more about grief, and to get advice on what to do next, you can also call healthdirect on 1800 022 222 to speak with a registered nurse, 24 hours, 7 days a week (known as NURSE-ON-CALL in Victoria).